Last night it crept up so fast I wasn’t sure what triggered me. Yes, I know its Fall and this year you said it would be different you said “you’d slow down, not take on too much”. Yet here we are the eye is twitching, when you yawn your other eye spasms and your breath is trapped in your upper chest as you exhale deeply hoping to exhale whatever demonic energy has started to stalk your nervous system. You start to recognize your old friend surfacing…
Well hello anxiety I thought it was you keeping me from a restful slumber last night. I definitely ignored you as my spaces started to mimic the fault line forming in my mind from the long list of tasks and deadlines. Then I remembered R.A.I.N. I Recognized that it was anxiety surfacing; like the high school friend you wish you didn’t bumped into in the grocery store on a particularly lazy day. Now I had to Acknowledge what exactly was triggering me. Today is a heavy day for me as it is my estranged fathers birthday and there will be no celebration in my world. As I type this the pit of my stomach becomes firm, I feel my respiration become more rapid and my throat close up so now I must Investigate. But I’m too busy with all the work I’ve taken on in an attempt to avoid these obvious events occurring in the lives of people I love without my involvement.
If you think you can escape your bodies response storage capacity to the emotional losses in life I’m here to tell you that you 100% cannot. If you think you can replace those you love because you also despise their behaviours and the version of you that emerges when they are present in your life try again. Eventually whatever you are running from will catch up in some way. The price will be paid on a very physical level in the body. In retrospect my hips and back have been rebelling the past week. This started last month when I failed to recognize my estranged mothers birthday and decided her extended family probably wasn’t good for the emotional strain their gossip was placing on me. I’ve had limited localized pain with no physical reasoning available and now know my body was keeping the score all month long. These realizations started to surface late last night so I vocalized my findings to my husband. He’s a listener not a talker so maybe I’d be able to bury the triggers with a good night’s rest? I did it I found space to multi-task my Investigation into the cause while watching television during our couples nightly routine. Only one step remaining but where will I find the time only one day away from the market season kick off.
You can’t make time so I had to carve it out and giving myself permission to hit pause was solely my job. So now I needed to Negotiate all of it but with so much to do I couldn’t seem to find physical space free from my responsibilities. Plus it required a level of my presence in a very mindfully intentional manner that I wasn’t sure the cluttered mind and spaces would allow. I had to decide am I running from or facing the facts? This morning I woke later than usual 5 am with all the alarm bells sounding off in my mind for the days tasks ahead. I sat with my first cup of bean juice and immediately remembered saying to my husband last night “you know what I need, a bath”. This is my other office the one where I can write, release, process and dream. The one where I can decide what I want to do with my time because as an Entrepreneur there is never enough of that. This was where I could decide what mattered most today and for the next 30 busy days ahead.
So what mattered most as I headed into the very busy holiday market season straddled with a side hustle and a new blooming passion project? The tasks suddenly became a problem for later, what didn’t get done no longer mattered. Because I have 11 markets and 5 beauty social events happening within the next 30 days the most important thing was me and my mental fitness as an energy healer to take in all that extra energy. As for the distance and the celebrations authentically most ended in fights in the past anyway so I wasn’t even lamenting on happy memories but rather the image I desired. Oh how the mind likes to write alternate versions of our reality. I had to be honest with myself about where I was at emotionally.
Let me tell you a 4-hour soak really allows you to embrace your truths. I got a bunch of content and posts created, took in some Kay-Tay content (in case you’re not in the know that is the budding romance of Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce) I’m a sucker for a good celebrity romance coverage what can I say? I didn’t worry about what I was missing out on. I didn’t think about all the things I had to do or the friend facetime meet up I bailed on yesterday because of the tasks and how this soak might delay our rescheduled meet up. You know what I did? I went to my other office and cleansed myself of all the energy my body was holding in. I put myself first and decided to surrender to the flow of the water and do what I wanted in that time. Not looking at the clock or worrying about getting breakfast made for hubby before work just simply letting go was all I needed.
Coming out of the tub aka other office I took more time to clean my face, make my bed, straighten the million little piles of projects on the go around the house, told myself I would head outside for a walk around the property at some point today. Then I decided to come write this to remind you all that we need to be listening to our bodies the busy doesn’t get to take over unless we give it permission to. Nothing matters more than you feeling your absolute best especially during life’s busy moments and emotional ups and downs.
So today try to find your own alternate office that brings you closer to your feelings so overwhelm doesn’t take over causing an avalanche. Sometimes pause is all we need to ensure we aren’t served a hard stop in life.