Expedition 4: Warmth From Within

We had all been looking forward to this ladies lazy Saturday afternoon for months. Each of us battling our own SUFFERING in life forging through it with strength, compassion and empathy for the others challenges. Some of us connected by blood others by soul we knew we were safe from judgement when together. Only held up by each other’s encouraging words offered many times before this particular day.

The FEAR leading up to the day was all of us questioning if it is actually possible for this group of MISFITS to sit in a space and remain SILENT while together, none of us were sure but it was certainly worth a try. Our visit that day was to a Healing Salt Cave located in the far north corner of a strip mall in a busy area of the city. As we entered signs ushered you to leave your shoes at the door and put on the bootie covers. We were warmly greeted by the gentlemen behind the counter who was soft spoken with a heavy accent. We’ve all become quite anti-social in dealing with our SUFFERING so a private room was previously reserved so we could ensure we didn’t have to interact with others. Some of us more withdrawn then others depending on where we are in our own personal journey. One no show who simply couldn’t make it out that day as her SUFFERING got the best of her. To her I say “next time my friend, today wasn’t your day but try again tomorrow”. I send her strength since we’ve all been there torn apart by the guilt of feeling unreliable due to the suffocation of our obstacles.

All different ages but somehow struggling to find more then where we are at this moment. With me it is URSULA (my anxiety) and this is the day I will make her put on her party dress and sit in the corner like the grump she is while I regain the WARMTH FROM WITHIN. I used to love being surrounded by people but now I struggle to even say hello. The visit to the cave was one of THREE events I would drag her to today. Why because I have to continue with living my life with or without her in tow I had to begin to regain my ability to function socially. Fully knowing that it won’t ever be the way it was before the accident but still determined to make it better than it was yesterday.

The cave was lovely not warm but a nice relaxing coolness which allowed you to feel REFRESHED as we entered the room. Each grabbing a cozy blanket on our way in you could feel the salt crackle under your feet, like hail on pavement as you stepped into the room. Within a few minutes of lounging back into the zero gravity chairs you could taste a little of the pink Himalayan salt on your tongue with each breath you took in. The trickling sound of the wall fountain behind me just above my head was sure to take me deep into my meditation. Except for the few prohibited photos, myself and my cohort took for the most part our group was well-behaved.  We finished that afternoon coaching each other over lunch. The extroverts egging on the introverts on how to tackle life and friendships. The introverts reminding the extroverts of the challenges our SUFFERING placed in our path changing our directions or level of comfort numerous times.

Later that day I attended two more events both large MILESTONE birthday parties because there was alcohol being served and mostly strangers it definitely made dealing with people easier. However, I was reminded by a family member at one of these events just how much me confronting and outing URSULA left me vulnerable. I’ve been told in therapy to not hide from my diagnosis to befriend the ANXIETY and it will become easier. So I post articles and quotes on my social media if I’m having an off day or feel I just need to address ditching on a friend last minute. My Aunt decided to express to me how these posts make her feel sad… “I don’t want to see you change I love who you are…the life of the party”.

It was at that moment that I recalled the WARMTH FROM WITHIN felt in that cave.

I was surrounded by WOMEN in complete SILENCE know one more important than the other. Nobody competing for the spotlight just ENERGY flowing freely between our chakras and the room. There was no need for me to showboat, to be loud, to stand out above others this was the real me. The one I had been searching for…

The light in me honours the light in you,

The voice in me silences to hear what you have to say,

The energy in me floods you in positivity from the depth of my being,

My heart extends compassionate peace, light and love to the depth of your soul!

Thank you to all the WOMEN who have lit the fire inside me reminding me of the WARMTH FROM WITHIN that I choose to embrace and share with all of mankind for the rest of my days upon this earth. I am grateful to all these WOMEN who travel alongside me on their own journeys may you find that SILENT place within that gives you permission to honour your true self.

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