It was on the 5thof February that I experienced the most fruitful break up of my lifetime thus far. The soundtrack playing in the background was recorded eight years prior to my arrival in this lifetime. Every weekend on Sundays when we were children, my Mother used to play Beatles albums and we would sing and dance all afternoon. There was no dancing this afternoon but there was another familiar reminder of my Mother in that moment as I took a deep breath the earthy, pungent scent of coffee filled my nostrils.
As I walked from my car on this mild afternoon into the local coffee shop I was welcomed with a sapless greeting from the barista. Looking to my left SHE caught my eye, as our eyes met I was drawn to the energy of white LIGHT which surrounded her. As I walked into her radiance, SHE embraced me with a warm hug I immediately felt a spark INSIDE of me. Something was about to change and it was going to be exceptional. I truly had no idea why I was here meeting her maybe because lately strangers had become easier encounters then the ones I had with those closest to me. Or why out of all the interesting characters in this concreate jungle I call home SHE chose me. As soon as I was there eye to eye, spilling the beans I knew there was a DIVINE reason for our connection.
The soft look and ETERNAL gaze which greeted every word I spoke made me feel SAFE and unjudged as though her and I had met before in another time and space. SHE sat with me explaining how the words FLOAT through her mind, rushing HOME as she recalls each LIGHT filled word trying to capture them all in her memory. An image of a young girl watching a forest full of fireflies on summer evening comes to my mind. She then paints a picture with these words and weaves the majestic LIGHT of these fireflies into each story with limited characters but limitless meaning.
SHE is a beacon of LIGHT that ushers you across the great lakes to that lighthouse INSIDE you call HOME. After meeting with her you find your INNER SELF the one you tucked away years ago so the world wouldn’t HURT her. The one you think nobody understands but SHE reminds you with each story SHE writes we’ve all been there and we all made it through. I realized in my story through her lens I had hidden my BEAUTY behind a loudness that was cheating me of bonding with the women in my life.
As I sat in that coffee shop in complete SILENCE staring across the street cars whizzing by, SHE spoke these 3 words that would change everything for me “Let it be”. I realized I didn’t have to play the part any longer. Be the LOUD voice, STAND out to be different, rise above all the CHAOS. This was the SPARK for the breakup the one my SOUL had been waiting for. All I had to do was be myself, let go and the UNIVERSE would take care of the rest.
There were so many relationships in my life these 3 simple words could help me with.
Like the one with my mother; I’m not and will not ever be my mother however I am grateful for all that she has taught me. Or the one with my daughter; who will never truly realize how much I admire her and how honoured I am that she chose me as her mother. But most of all the one with myself since who I am inside is far more complex then who I let the world see and that needed to change.
In each of these relationships someone has ended up broken hearted because I chose to be something or someone I was not. This breakup wouldn’t leave me crying in my room like a teenager, sorting through an old shoebox of memories wishing things were different. This was LIBERATION of that young child who SCREAMED so LOUD to be heard. It is the drowning of the old me since SHE no longer serves the life I’ve built. The one who talked over others to STAND out, the one who had to be LOUD in order to feel heard and the person who BROKE so many hearts including her own will no longer hide her tender SOUL.
“And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.”
In honour of SHE and all the woman in my life I will continue to embrace that little girl INSIDE of me who is calling out to the world to be seen as creative, sensitive and spiritual. After meeting with SHE I am no longer uncomfortable in my SILENCE since it is where I find the BEAUTY of my true self. SILENCE is a gift which bonds our spirits and our souls and my relationships are better now that I’ve decided to stop SCREAMING and simply “Let it be”.