7 Lessons Learned Embracing Energetic Balance

   This post isn’t about gender at all even though society has framed the energies of femininity and masculinity a certain way, as an energy worker I can honestly say gender has nothing to do with our core energetic scales. The Universal blueprint doesn’t care about your gender-based stereotypes or 3D projections of what makes you woman or man enough. This post goes beyond your earthly parts below the belt to expose a need to balance and accept your core energetic being. I would define myself as predominantly masculine with a severe aversion to feminine energies. As I age I’ve realized that this concept of self is now starting to block my own ability to step into my radiance as a healer and ultimately a free-spirited woman. So, before I get into the lessons that have begun to reveal themselves I will outline the difference between the two energies.

Divine Feminine: Intuitive, Spiritual, Receptive, Responsive, Magnetic, Radiant, Healing, Nurturing, Compassionate, Loving, Creative, Inspired, Vulnerable, Expressive, Speaks truth, Surrendered, Relaxed, Trusting, Patient, Supportive, Feelings oriented, Fertile

Divine Masculine: Takes Action, Initiative, Stable, Secure, Protective, Highly Present, Strong Leader, Provider, Giving, Courageous, Assertive, Logical, Decisive, Purpose-driven, Reliable, Respected, Courageous, Confident, Grounded, Focused, Disciplined

    In order to better understand our core energetic being we can scale each quality in both categories to decide which is dominant feminine or masculine. Then if we choose to do so we can address the weaker parts of those energies to foster balance and decide if our stronger areas need to be toned down some. At the end of the day it all boils down to happiness with who we are and comfort projecting that truth out into the collective. 

1. I can define myself however I please.

Ideally, I could do this without other woman telling me I’m giving away my power or men calling me a bitch. But I won’t hold my breath because not everyone wants to admit where they fall short in self-awareness. To me the only opinion that matters when it comes to the woman I am is my own. So, going forward I will embrace my divine right to empower myself as I see fit whether it is with a vacuum in hand or briefcase over my shoulder. Neither make me more or less of a woman.

So, I’m giving myself permission to no longer subscribe to the idea that I have to support all woman in order to be a feminist. I’m not here to validate anyone’s feelings above my own that’s your job and me not doing it for you is a nurturing act rooted in feminine energy. Offering space for all to explore the true beauty hidden within through embracing the emotional body affords us a certain level of surrender to our individual truths.

I will no longer dim my light so others feel comfortable with me. If you feel uncomfortable in my presence it says more about you than me. That is me embracing my masculine energy to lead, be assertive and command the respect I deserve. If one day I want to be a successful entrepreneur, the next I want to be the queen of midday naps and the following I choose to play devoted housewife; I can and will. I’ve chosen to leave space for all variations of my own concept of the woman I choose to be and yes, it’s fluid based on my needs from both masculine and feminine energy.

2. Perfection is knowing we are all imperfect.

 I’m sick of the societal norms rooted in how we show up physically. Body positivity buzz words and pressures to strive for aesthetic perfection are the emptiest forms of energy humans exhibit. What we look like shouldn’t define who we are as soulful beings. While a vast amount of these ads are targeted towards woman I don’t think it just impacts us. I think we openly talk about it more due to the energy that we embody on the feminine spectrum. I think the real question we should be asking ourselves is why do we place so much value on outer appearance? In my opinion it’s all a marketing attempt to redefine what being a woman is so that we can remain in a space that maintains the idea of not being pretty enough as not being powerful enough.

More recently I’ve seen adds for “bigger boys” t-shirts to hide their Dad bod’s. The ad’s deliberately targeting male confidence by showing a man reaching for an item in a supermarket as his belly hangs out below his shirt as woman looks on disgusted. If this ad existed for woman oh my would we be losing our minds. Let’s be really honest with ourselves here perfection doesn’t exist, it is a lie and quite frankly one of the most dangerous ones to gamble on when it comes to embracing our power and confidence. That power can only be found within which is why many of us look to hone ourselves into perfection well into our elder years before giving up altogether.

When I pick up a magazine, if my self-image is impacted or I feel some kind of way about myself emotionally those feelings are mine to manage. The same is true for if someone were to say something about my appearance. It is imperative to take accountability when we hand over our power. The way we look and how we allow our thoughts to impact our worth is a huge area we could benefit from addressing. We need to start embracing ourselves beyond the reflection in the mirror everyone says they do, but we all know the nasty thoughts spiralling in our own minds on a not so confident day when that reflection looks more like a swamp goblin from a horror flick than the fair maiden awaiting a saviour.

The best way to embrace our individual gifts beyond our outer beauty is to connect with mind, body and soul to find the parts of self that we beat up and work on those. Therapy can help immensely in this area to uncover how those self-limiting beliefs formed. Truly understanding that we are all created perfectly imperfect is a great starting point.

3. My trauma will no longer make me fearful to embrace the softer parts of who I am.

I won’t allow my trauma to define me or to rob me of the nurturing parts of who I am or the love I deserve. I used to coat my vulnerabilities in a cloak of masculine energy. It was so easy for me to allow my Ram fire to burn away those softer parts. My speech was overtaken with a series of “F-bombs” that could make any sailor blush. I learned early how to mask vulnerability and be hyper-independent. I am not the all-knowing, fiercely independent person I project half the time it is a deeply rooted trauma response that no longer serves my highest good. So now I discover all the softer parts through creative expression and surrender.

I choose to embrace my feminine energy of truth in everyday life, fostering a balance of both masculine and feminine energies. This way I can feel the feelings as they come and decide which energy needs to show up. Use the right tool for the right job if you will. Being too much of either energy isn’t beneficial at all. But facing things head on from a judgement free open mind is. The internal compass of truth always sets me free finding it is another story. I’ve recently embarked upon finding the softer parts of my personality often grappling with my masculine desire to be purpose driven because if I’m being honest that part of me was and is still fueled by a desire of acceptance from others. I will allow myself space to explore and heal my way into self-acceptance.

4. Be a truth seeker.

This one was a 7-year cycle of unpacking a lot of trauma and conditioning for me. It is a massive feminine energy turning point in my journey that allowed me to finally accept the fairy-tale I was sold, was a complete lie. It began with a single Sodalite stone (logic, inner peace, truth) and landed with a floral flowy gown and soft curls. I would say that this period took me into the deepest shadows of who I was at various stages of my womanhood. The lessons learned I share with many in a very public way that most don’t agree with but this is my truth not theirs.

I now realize for me this journey is life long as feminine energy is infinite in her gifts and reveals only what we are capable of using for our highest good when the time and energies are aligned. Daily I strive to better understand the motivations, behaviours and actions that define me as a person deploying that masculine logic and parking the emotions. My entire life I’ve been guided or influenced by others because I lived for outside validation this often meant letting others tell me what was true. Now I seek the facts to logically analyze and reason for myself. For me understanding the reasons I required that validation has been transformative in embracing my truth. I allowed the power of truth to elude me for so long it nearly took my life; yet here I am today still seeking!

5. I am worthy even if you question my worth.

The killer of self-trust and acceptance of our flaws lies within our inability to know our worth. Our worth cannot be defined by how we view our placement in others story. It needs to come from a space of self-realization of our gifts and how we make our world a better place. The roles we play for others daughter, sister, spouse, mother, employee should not define our worth. Our worth should be based on how we give back to the collective including humanity, earth and beyond. Looking at only our 3D contributions negates all the other huge energetic shifts happening within the collective and right now there are far too many to cover.

Recently I’ve really shifted into a feminine mindset of surrender and trust meaning I will no longer look outside myself to embrace my worth. I may project glowing confidence but I assure you I am fragile when it comes to my worth for many reasons. Most have nothing to do with what I think of myself but more to do with what I think others think of me. As the saying goes “others opinion of you is none of your business”. At one point I literally chose life over death because I couldn’t bare what the loss of me would do to my husband and daughter; yet I didn’t even take a moment to consider what the collective would miss out on if I wasn’t here. But I also didn’t want them to witness the vulnerable parts of my own healing in my feminine energy. That was a huge moment of mind shift for me which I am so grateful to have been aware enough to see. My worth belongs to me, it isn’t contingent on others showing up or what they think of me. The only person who gets a vote on my worth is me because I’m the alchemist of that journey.

6. Embracing emotion is an act of empowerment.

I cannot even begin to fathom the number of times I was told by both woman and men that I was “being too sensitive” or “overacting”. No shit I am a highly sensitive person with a suitcase full of trauma. The workplace constantly dogs on woman for being overly emotional yet that trait contributes to more inclusive work environments. All that considered, I will no longer view this as a disadvantage or offer excuses to file my emotions inside like a ticking timebomb waiting to go off to appease others lack of emotional intelligence.

The idea that emotional expressions should only be available according to our gender is ridiculous. All genders should be able to freely express emotions without being seen as weak or fragile because emotions are literal energy in motion. Now I know this next concept may not belong to the younger generations at mass who in my opinion have a far better understanding of emotional intelligence. I’d like you all to think back to a highly emotionally charged break up and how you handled it. Did you mock the partner you broke up with that poured their emotions into a love letter, or shit talk the crazy partner who showed up at your workplace crying? Maybe you just coldly cut them off and ghosted them out of your circle either way stopping the flow of ebbing in those emotions traps all that energy inside. We’ve all done it at some point in our lives I don’t care what generation or gender you identify as facts are facts when it comes to energy. Be honest with yourself here embracing our emotions as they show up is difficult and often comes with a gender specific label.

In my life my sensitivity allows me to do the work I do today, it allows me accept parts of fragility in who I am and offers me an opportunity to explore new parts of myself I haven’t yet met. If passionately loving what you do, embracing your emotions and growing as a person is too much for you then step aside. I am about to be a whole lot more of all these things because I’m no longer playing small to appease your emotional comfort. I’m stepping into that masculine energy of leading by example, embodying stable grounded radical self-acceptance of my emotions as they arise in my feminine energies. My emotions are a big part of who I am and I see them as one of the most valuable gifts I have to offer. If that makes others uncomfortable I encourage them to stop projecting and get to work exploring their own level of emotional intelligence.

7. The Patriarchy is not the only enemy.

The patriarchy isn’t the only problem when we are seeking connection to the divine feminine energy within. For me many of my trust issues are deeply rooted in the matriarchal inability to support unconditionally, free of judgements or comparisons. Here we are again looking to the buzz words that project support relating to gender “Boss Babe”, “Women supporting women” and so on. It’s all optics in my mind, because the dopamine hit from others liking and sharing makes us feel less shitty of the silent judgements we may have perpetrated against each other. Those social likes validate our inner truths in a way that threatens the value of us all connecting energetically. I’ve been sharing women owed businesses for years rarely do I get matching energy exchange in return. I think this is all based on our social feminine scope of judgements of others. Honestly what someone else choses to do in life is nobody’s business unless it effects theirs. Genders and energies aside who are you to judge?

I recently spent endless hours exploring this concept through 3 seasons of Toddlers and Tiaras not many pageant Dad’s out there. Here is where I will take some personal accountability for many in the shadow self instead of bashing those Mothers. I’ve compared woman to each other. I’ve judged their choices in parenting and partnership. I’ve passed judgement on public displays of their behaviours. I’ve even verbally gone at another woman in very unflattering ways. But rarely do I do this to men. That says a lot. We need to start embracing that vulnerable part of who we are and stop competing to be the alpha female. Comparisons rob all genders of their joy and truly ensure that we remain trapped in the patriarchal ideas of being better than.

Let’s adopt a socially masculine approach to how we chime in on others choices in life. I’ve adopted the following through observing my husband’s reactions or inaction to certain situations. Not my life not my problem. I may not agree but it doesn’t affect me. They didn’t ask for my opinion so why would I give them advice. Stay in your own lane people I promise you there are enough cars to dodge to keep you busy for your entire lifetime, you don’t need to be a roadblock in anyone else’s way. We all have more than enough traffic of our own to deal with.